This weekend has been the most quiet thought time I've had in a long time (much of this was by design). Being someone who is typically committed to something constantly, I made a conscious decision to try to not over commit for this weekend. The long miles have been good time to think.
Today started with a group ride (3 hrs) and then another 2 1/2 solo. The group part was great--involved Red Rocks, up to Idledale & Grapevine, back to Denver. It was a group of women who race & not my typical ride. They're planning more, I will be looking forward to those. It was weird that the warmest it was all day today was at 10 am, temps dropped thereafter it seemed.
Back to the thoughts on the ride. I once got great advice from a former co-worker that I've never forgotten. "If you want to grow, take a risk." And other advice that has stuck with me that I've heard in one form or another: when life gets too comfortable, do something to scare yourself.
Yes, I'm thrilled to be heading to Italy in a few months (and the time will fly by between now and then). But in my attempt to sugarcoat the story so my family accepts what I'm going to be doing (they don't love it, but won't stand between me and the airplane), I have downplayed my own fears that are very real in me.
What are those fears? Well, for one, life is very comfortable in Denver. I have a great group of friends, riding/training friends, co-workers I like to work with and my family is nearby. I love my home and most of my routine (that isn't all that routine in the standard American sense). Sure, there are parts I'd like to change, but everything is very acceptable as it stands now. I'm not going to Italy in any attempt to escape my life. I am, however, looking forward to taking a step back from the "rat race" in order to see things in greater perspective.
Leaving here means starting all over again. I saw no women riding road bikes (aside from women on bike trips) the whole time I was in Italy. So will I find riding friends? Will I be strong enough to hang with men, if they're cool with having me as a riding buddy? And how will I find training partners prior to knowing Italian? What about regular (off-the-bike) friends? Will there be girls there I can be as open with as my close girl friends here? Oh how I will miss them and my family members who provide me so much support, too. I think as we age, we appreciate our fundamental need for those we love to be close physically and emotionally. I see this more and more in myself and in my friends.
Of course, there's the elephant in the room: dating. I've heard that quite a few people skip the opportunity to live in a foreign country due to their fear of not meeting a mate. Certainly, I don't want to put my dating life on hold while over there (as it currently is here since I have no desire to have a long-distance relationship)...but Italian men do have a reputation and it is a little worrisome. I tend to think I'll be able to find the decent guys and weed out the others. We'll see how that goes! I'm not as concerned about this as with all of the other aspects. I have a great deal of faith that God takes care of this part of life and there's no use for me to worry about it much.
Then there's the challenge of learning Italian. Can I do it? I don't know if I can be fluent in a language. It's been so many years since I've taken any courses that are non-technical. And I know I want to experience the non-technical side of living. Oh to learn history and everything that comprises a culture so different from the only one I've ever known!
And the last item: money. It looks like I might be able to work a few hours a week doing some computer work to pay basic expenses (so my savings doesn't get tapped into from this experience), but I don't know about that yet. Getting a job there isn't easy like it is here...I'd be so okay with being a barista, especially since it would involve speaking the language with many different people BUT there are lots of hoops to jump through to work in Italy as an American. Will I get stir-crazy without a job? I haven't ever been out of work for more than 2 weeks since I graduated from college. And I definitely don't want to feel guilty about paying for frequent cafe & gelato. At least the expense of school and housing isn't that bad and I won't want to buy much aside from food and the occasional thing for the bike. It'll be simple living and that's what I like. It's one of the things I'm most looking forward to.
So, as excited as I am about this next life adventure, I realize the risk that I am taking and it is scaring me. And, somehow, this discomfort makes me want it all the more.
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