Get this song outta my head before tomorrow

Lyrics from "Annie" kept playing in my head today: "Yesterday was plain awful..." Thank goodness today the visa situation is looking better. Yesterday's major visa headache proved to me how much I care about spending time in Italy (3 months isn't enough)!

Things still aren't necessarily okay since I'm not holding a visa yet, but everything should work out. They always do, don't they? Now I'm not just talking about a visa...it's everything in life...

Change

Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all, because you'll be forever in the control of things you can't give up."— Andy Law Creative Company

I'm not the only one in the midst of major life changes and it has occurred to me that I am far better at handling any kind of change when it's my own.  All things go in cycles and it feels like a lot of people in my life right now are experiencing similar things, just in their own way.

Today is the first day of Lent; I have yet to figure out what I will be giving up for this one. Last year I took Lent very seriously (well, it was the first time I participated in it in my life). It resulted in a big shift in my thinking and being that lasted well beyond Lent, it was a life-changer.

One thing I have done is purchased a $15 wedding band from Target. After reading enough travel advice by women for women, this seems to be a sensible thing to wear on the trip, at least while I'm living in hostels and exploring Europe (outside of Perugia). I figure it shouldn't look brand new when I get to Europe so I started wearing it today (actually, I tried it on and forgot to remove it). Oops. No, this is not a subliminal way of saying I wish I were married. And I realize that wearing it could wipe out any chance I have...

Talent vs Passion

This has been a theme of today, starting with a speech made at Toastmasters (much too) early this morning, concluding with a conversation with one of my friends outside of a bar in the crisp Denver night air, accompanied by the Denver skyline. To make a string of long thoughts short: I believe in passion and never, ever losing it. Maybe its focus will shift from one area to another during the course of a person's life, but to lose it is to forfeit life.

Onto other items that have been bouncing around in my head and really need to be put to rest... Not sure where I read it, but it's probably common knowledge that one of people's biggest fears is not being missed when they're gone. My fears about going to Italy were previously centered around what everything will be like there; now they are turning into thoughts of what it will be like to take a leave of absence from this life that I am very well settled into. I'd be lying to say that I'm not afraid of not being missed. I am a little. What kind of difference have I made to those who know me? The answer to that is a tough pill to swallow.

I've been living last month and this one very purposefully, trying to make every activity count, trying to maximize the quality time with everyone that I possibly can. And I know I'm coming up short, but it's been a conscious effort. I like the looming deadline of leaving. I like deadlines, in general.

It is such an odd place to be, knowing you're on your way out. I'm in a no-man's land of sorts. Wrapping up my life here, trying desperately not to take on new commitments, new friends, new anything. And that is difficult for me to do. With each passing activity, I get closer to the people here and I know how much I'll miss them. Or maybe it's that I'm appreciating every conversation more, every moment with every single person more...

Yeah, I know this is rambling and this is possibly disconcerting to those reading. But I'm desperately trying to capture what I'm thinking and feeling right now in this moment of pretty major change. That's the other thing that's becoming more real the more I talk about it: the desire to have a big career change when I get back. Ha, should I use the word "career"? I don't want a career. It's like a bad word to me. I want a vocation, hopefully something that pays the bills but brings true fulfillment. Along with everything else I expect to pick up by living in Italy, this is something else that I will be actively searching for and turning over every rock in my path to find.

January 2010, Month in Review

January pretty much rocked. It was a great month. I made lots of homemade pasta and sauce, spent more than my usual time in the kitchen (though still much less time than the average person), deep cleaned (cleaning, not totally done yet), spent time making the Gelato Diet movie (which was the most fun thing I've done in years...well, since I built the kitchen island. Watch it if you haven't already: www.gelatodiet.com/movie. Putting together the website was also great fun and something I've wanted to do for ages. 

 

I didn't get the time I was hoping for to study Italian or make more connections with my (Italian) relatives. However, the family did find this...the passport for my Great Grandfather--bringing him to the US for the first time from Messina (Sicily)! Cool! 

Training has been going well. After posting messages on forums and learning more about Italian amateur racing, I'm completely frightened about going there out of shape. So I figure some good sessions lifting and decent climbing rides at altitude will help me be in a good place when I get to Spain (where my plane lands, then I'll make my way to Italy). 

 

I participated in a rally at the state capitol for the first time in my life...and I'm really glad I did. It was a pro-life rally. Nothing like seeing cute children running around and smiling who were going to be aborted, but their mothers were talked out of it at the last minute. Sends shivers to think of all of the other beautiful kids who never get the chance to see the light of day. Prior to the rally, there was a mass at the Cathedral.

 

Finally, I got to see Eduardo Verastegui up close at the mass. He is a beautiful person, not because he is one of the most physically beautiful people in existence, but because of his stand on pro-life and morality. He doesn't believe in sex before marriage (he used to, but then he started living his Catholic faith and completely changed his life). Guys, take note. You're competing with this guy when you date me (and not because of his outward appearance). Yes, I realize I could be single forever, and I'm okay with that. I want to find someone with similar values and I do think it's possible.

The coolest activity of the month was going on a hut trip with 21 people I didn't know prior to the trip. As with a group of fun-loving outdoosy types, it was a pretty good gamble that it would be a fine time. I've never been on a hut trip so this was all-new to me. The weather was perfect (sun/blue skies and no wind!)

 

Gordie was one of my snow shoe buddies. He's over 70 and you'd never know it by the speed at which he flies up mountains. He has a great story of discovering the outdoors at 60. Basically, he feels like he has a whole new life since he got outside. There's a lot that he told me that resonated in me. I love hanging out with these kinds of enlightened people! There were a few other conversations I had over the weekend that also made me think. With the Italy trip coming up so soon, I have been thinking more than ever.

 

Me getting sort  of stuck in this position for the picture. This was the high point of the adventure. After this, we went back to the cabin and feasted on a great dinner prepared for us by John, an ultra marathoner (he runs 100 mile races), who also sports a white beard. 

The cabin was so comfortable and warm. Did I mention that I loved the people contained within it? Below are people drinking Coors beer (lots of the people were somehow affiliated with Coors brewing company. To the right are Gerry and Diana (they're friends). They're both such neat people! Gerry often plays Santa Claus at Christmas time. Any wonder? He's as nice as Santa, too.