On Sleep
Last night I finally couldn't sleep. Usually I am out cold before my head hits the pillow - literally. Often I'm far from a pillow when I pass out for the night, if I'm so lucky to get to sleep for what is defined as a night on something that is soft. When I have a chance to sleep, I do. When I have to work, well, I have to work. I need to be working now and today I'm making a rare exception.
Work is Play
If my work weren't my play, it would just be work and I wouldn't be able to do it, I couldn't justify the time and the many cool things I'm missing out on. My life is very inexpensive. I have nothing to lose if I decided to take a fun, part-time job with the only purpose being to pay the bills and to pay for fun past-time activities. Good thing I can't do that because of my deep desire for fulfillment. I work really, really hard to keep work fun. And by that, I mean I try to stay as on top of things as humanly possible--by working when I should be sleeping. This way, I can look relaxed (usually) and enjoy the company of people when they visit the shop. I think being a relaxing environment and having an escape from the pressure and stress of everyday life is one thing that makes where I work different from almost all others. People feel this, it attracts them to come in and stay awhile.
Fulfillment
A note on fulfillment: The team and I received many thanks for the Vuelta breakfast we served up Monday morning. That is fulfilling. We are directly changing lives and I'm part of the team that is doing it.
The other day, a man who had been crippled for 29 years and has walked for just a few months, came to us for a trike. We don't sell or build trikes, but we were the only hope to this man who could very, very slowly, walk from home to our shop. Jeff, our pro mechanic, built up the trike and we've been seeing this man riding all over town all of the time now. The trike is his new set of legs and it's awesome. Even though I didn't do much directly on that bike, it's hard not to feel pretty good about seeing the yellow of the trike streak by the window.
Cycling and Coffee Combo
Cycling and the subject of it, in general, is an escape. Life is too serious & people take
it too seriously. Life is made lighter with good old fashioned time
with other people discussing topics of relatively little consequence. And, of course, conversations are all made better if held over coffee. I've had many cups of not-good coffee in my pre-RSC life in order to reap the benefits of the conversation that comes with it. So cycling and *good* coffee in one space. Happy people.
Personal Life (?)
I need to spend more time in my personal life and I will be sacrificing my personal physical and emotional health and happiness a bit less this coming year. I've lost a few friends along the way and it saddens me deeply that I don't have more time for those left and for my family who are uber important to me. Recently I closed a door that I didn't have to, but it had "normal good life without time for the work I want to do" written on it and it was taunting me. I prefer not to be faced with the temptation. Some of the sacrifices of the first year have made sense. For two years running, not so much. My attempt is to keep moving toward the nirvana of business: one that is self-sustainable. No one person should be the make-or-break factor. In the business I'm in, I'm a cheerleader. I'm supposed to be a manager, thank goodness my title is curator because that's far more accurate; my personality doesn't go particularly well with manager. I'm not critical to the business, but I think my role is important right now. It will change in time and I hope to get to the point that I don't have to be physically present so much. 12+ hour days standing on my feet (there are more than I can count) will eventually get old and the changes I can make will be smaller. If I'm not constantly changing things, I get bored.
I miss my life some, but not too much. I think if you told me a year ago that I would have only a handful of weekend days off (note, I made my own schedule, so this is purely by choice) or almost no multiple-days off in a row a year ago, I would have died. Now, I've figure out how to enjoy that prospect. I like weekends because of the cool stuff that happens on them - I don't need the weekend. I do need some of the cultural stuff that happens on a Saturday or Sunday sometimes. I need social time away from work, but when I'm away, I need me-time so much more than anything else.
Since I've been in my new life a little over a year, it's given me a chance to look back on it a bit more, even though it's hardly anything to look at since it's flown by so fast. There have been many ups and downs, though so many more ups than downs.
The Glass: It's Full and Bottomless
Being unhealthily positive and optimistic, I somehow turn a less than positive situation into something that can be seen and felt as good. I think this is the only way I've been able to adjust to some of the changes I've had to make to my life.
Back to Sleeplessness
I can't explain my sleepless night last night fully, but I do know that I had time to read 1/2 of a book. I haven't done anything for myself in a long time that has felt so good. Somehow, I wasn't completely wiped out today, though I got further behind than I would have liked. And now I'm wasting valuable time writing this instead of making progress on really important things.
Blogging, however, is something I want and need to do more of, I need to document more of what's going on and what I'm learning right now. It's rich stuff, every single day is a tremendous learning experience. I just hope I'm alive enough right now to really be drinking in this experience and storing away the things I need to accomplish great things in the near and distant future.
The future is a few hours from now, and I'm procrastinating.
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