Independence

Yesterday was the 4th of July. For some reason, the 4th has always somehow stood out to me - what I was doing on that day. I remember so vividly the year when, before the fireworks were going to go off, that my mom was reading an electronics book to my brother and me. My thoughts at the time had to do with how much I despised that book. Now I wish I had listened and not wasted energy on not listening.  Almost every year, I remember the evening as a warm one, one that doesn't ever seem to end and smells of BBQ. Yesterday was all of those wonderful things minus the good-smelling smoking grill. Yesterday will stand out to me for years to come. I was stoked to be out pedaling dirt trails not far from here, feeling free, happy and absolutely content with life. I need nothing more than that. 

In more recent years, the "independence" part of the day has been something that means more. We're independent as people, free in most things. I frequently think about the freedoms in this life and appreciate them. I have exercised my independence a bit more than most since I graduated from college, though within responsible limits. Independence day is one more day when I really like to think about being independent. What do I do and why? There is a solidly good reason behind everything I do, as non-apparent as it may seem to others taking a look in from a distance. Purely from decisions I have made do I live. I am completely independent though it may appear very differently. 

After just saying I need nothing more, I have decided to move. Would I move if I were perfectly content? What is the definition of having more? I can be content, but I can choose not to be, as well. I haven't been completely comfortable where I've lived since I moved in. Trying to pinpoint what, exactly, it is that has kept me feeling unsettled here is impossible. I wish I could explain it to my housemates. There's a good chance it's that I'm living in the suburbs, off the beaten path. I like being where people are. Truth be told, I get energy being around people but more so when I'm not part of the conversation. I like to listen as an an observer, not necessarily a contributor influencing the direction of the discussion. One the coolest things about the new place is its proximity to public transportation and a big road. It's access to Boston that I don't have now. Independence from my car is one the things I value most, though I don't actively try to rid myself of it. I just want to know I'd survive if it decided not to start one morning. Being free of stress in my personal life is pretty much the most important thing to me. I thrive on a bit of stress and adrenaline at all other times of the day. There is a place where I need to be free of that.

Back to people and the behaviors of people. I've never known so many people in my life considering computer work typically involved the same 5-10 people on any given day. Being around this many people on a daily basis is very new to me, still. It's a game to me to try to figure out when it's going to be busy at work. When will it be quiet and how do the weather patterns affect people's coffee-drinking and bike-buying interest? On the 4th of July, it was a rainy morning and usually rainy mornings mean people drink more milk-heavy drinks. But on the 4th, they were drinking more cold brew coffee than ever. Was it merely psychological, the idea that it's the 4th and therefore hot no matter the temperature outside? I'd like to know what was going on at local ice cream establishments. I know I wanted ice cream yesterday. I'm programmed. 

Tomorrow morning is coming fast. I'd hoped to start the day at sunrise as most days that start at that hour (4-4:15) are my best. What's coming tomorrow? Friday and the "start" to my work week as my Fridays often feel to me the way Mondays used to. This moment in time captured, finally, time to get going on to the next thing to move forward.